after a few months of freedom, wandering, and generally having no plan, it's nice to have settled down somewhere for the winter. a warm bed and a space heater are heavenly when the overnight temperature hits zero. of course to pay for the luxury of my very own room and bed, i had to get working again.
before my leave, my life had become a pattern of escape. everything i did, every dollar i spent beyond my basic needs, and every moment i could spare was devoted to escaping the routine of my everyday life. my credit card is still suffering from multiple out-of-town bus trips and the last couple pieces of camping gear. now that i've made the biggest journey of all, i no longer feel the tension and restlessness of feeling stuck. i can just relax and enjoy the simple things.
being so far removed from what was once my life, i have come to realize, as one does, what is really important in my day-to-day. i don't really need a lot of the things i had accumulated, but it wasn't so easy to see when i was surrounded by them. so many things that i held on to i'm now more ready than ever to let go of. so much unnecessary clutter, memorabilia, stuff. people too, 'toxic relationships' i think they're called... yeah. anyhoo, i'm still anxious as ever to return home and sort through the storage locker i'm paying to hold on to. three more months..
i'm grateful to have found a job with a simple role. show up on time, bust ass, put the things where they go, go home. no further responsibility, no telling others what to do, just good old fashioned hard work. the simple wage only affords me the basics, which is likely for the best in keeping me out of trouble. the schedule might kill me a little, but my lack of attachment allows me to look elsewhere for other opportunities and play whatever cards i choose.
having this clarity and space along with other random happenings turned quick lessons, i'm now remembering the comfort that comes with detachment and transience. my focus in the coming months will be to get rid of as many things and expenses as possible, while trying to remember not to accumulate anything i don't particularly need at the moment. every time i think of buying something i think.. do i really need this? i try to do this all the time now, question my 'needs' and give it a day or a week to simmer. for instance there's some small appliance type things i'd like to have for the kitchen, but i have to think how long-term am i planning on staying in this house? i'd just purchased a bunch of such things and yard tools for my house a few provinces away, and clearly they're no use to me here.
it's difficult to project too far into the future, which is to say, i suppose i'm succeeding at becoming impermanent. the furthest into the future i can tell is that i have a job until the end of January where i'm at if i can stick it out, and a bus ride back to Ontario. so far at this point i plan to keep the room in Vancouver while i'm gone which will give me a chance to either come back and continue living in it while seeking other employment, or come back and retrieve what little will be left behind while i go home; my gear and most of my clothes. so far i'm thinking to get on the bus with nothing but a few changes of clothes and some food, and pillage the locker for all that i can upon my return.
that is, of course, if i decide by then that i'm staying on the west coast..
either way, from there, i'm back to living a little more day by day as i was when i first got out here. scrambling, and beyond broke of course, but happy to be alive. for now i'll take a moment to enjoy the simple life. for now, that's all there is.
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