But that's okay... mostly. The rent may have to wait, my phone might get cut off, and I'm honestly shocked we still have the interwebs. Even though these things [and many others] are weighing in, it's really hard not to make the most of our 'days off'. The ever-growing list of to-do's on the side of the fridge has quite a few tick marks on it, and we've taken the opportunity in the good weather to begin prepping the animal enclosures for winter. These are things that *needed* to be done, and it feels good to finally have the time to do it.
We also had a very timely offer to make use of some land. Eerily timely in fact. The very last day we worked, we came home to a note on the door. "Come see me tonight!" From one of our friends up the road. He's granting us use of the barn and acreage in exchange for us maintaining the property "beyond the lawn". We have spent the majority of our time there the past couple weeks, clearing out the barn and surveying the available land.
In looking for odd jobs in the meantime, we've found several opportunities for barter. We helped disassemble a barn in exchange for all the materials we need to fix the barn we're using. We can trade a chimney install in an old cabin for possibly a fifth wheel trailer (or a car, but we're opting for the trailer!). We can move lumber in exchange for all the lumber we will need, and chop and load firewood to have a full winter's supply of our own.
Unfortunately, as awesome as bartering is, there's simply always going to be things that require that there mighty dollar. Proper feed for the animals for instance.. it's an expense that is unavoidable if we wish to keep them. For this purpose, and also in an attempt to recuperate all of the savings we had set aside to winterize the farm, we started a Go-Fund-Me. It was easily one of the hardest things to do in my life. Firstly to admit that we needed help, and mostly- to actually reach out. I already hadn't slept in weeks wondering what we were going to do once we were to reach the bottom of those feed bags. And then for days after setting up the fundraiser, I couldn't sleep out of guilt for asking for help. *sigh*.
That said, the fundraiser has already saved our little sanctuary for the time being. I am beyond grateful and forever indebted to everyone who has contributed for your kindness. I'm overwhelmed at the response we received right out of the gate. This will help to cover our operating expenses until we get back on our feet. We managed to make enough doing farm labour for our neighbours to cover the rent for October, and we are beginning to see a light at the end of the two year long tunnel.
The past two years has most certainly been two of the best, most productive and most fulfilling years of my life. We found an incredible community in which to live, a perfect little home with a view and certainly the best neighbours one could ask for. As far as finances go.. let's just say I've been in better financial standing- even in the years I spent living out of a backpack with seasonal employment. Money- and lack thereof- has been one of the biggest contributors to my incredibly destructive anxiety. Attempting to overcome that sickening feeling has been one of my greatest challenges.
I feel like that might be the point of the story. Like we have been stuck in this holding pattern lacking funds to make me realize that my life is not going to suddenly end if I'm late on my bills. To give us an opportunity to grow in so many other ways besides monetarily. To become hyper aware of the resources available around us that do not involve the exchange of dollars in order to obtain.
For weeks I've been waking every night around 3am unable to sleep any longer. The anxiety welled up inside me would boil over into my dreams and push me out of bed. Then one day, it just... stopped. I'm not going to die of brokeness. There's too much abundance in the world to starve, there's places we can migrate to to find shelter. I found peace in the realization that perhaps money doesn't make the world go 'round. But kindness sure does.
Thank you all, so very much. For reading my blog, for saving our farm, and for sending good vibes and best wishes to help us through one of the most challenging times I've experienced. We can only go up from here. We will continue to pay it forward in our daily lives, to give back what we can to our community, and help as many as we can along the way. Thank you all for the uplifting reminder that there is strength in community. The boys say thank you, too.
