the air was crisp and cool this morning on my walk down to the park. i've made it a sort of ritual to go meandering through the alleyways to eventually end up at a bench in a park at the edge of a baseball field that overlooks the entire city. no panoramic photograph could possibly capture what i feel when i sit there. how small, how free..
i purposely walk a little further south than i have to just so that i can walk back north towards the mountains and the rest of the city. it still takes my breath away when i walk along the ridgeway and come to cross a street that gives berth to an incredible view. yesterday when there was a break in the clouds i could see the very tip top of the tallest mountain in view was gently brushed with snow. soon enough they'll all have snow caps of their own.
this is what i came here for. i don't always remember that when i'm feeling suddenly alone. i came here to find my breath, to find my space, to meet myself again. to take a minute to grieve.. to get some of this weight up off my chest. i came here to get away from all of the distractions i had collected and created for myself, all of the things and people and situations i had surrounded myself with to keep me occupied. i just need a long, long moment..
i've had a chance to sort of feel out what i really need now that i've had a moment to separate myself from everything i've been holding on to. life is simple, or at least i'm doing my best to keep it that way. my recent obsession with 'tiny homes' and various styles of miniature dwellings has afforded me a joy i may have never had otherwise for the little space i am currently calling home. tiny it is indeed, but it's perfect for just me.
there's a bed, a dresser, a desk for my laptop and a table lamp. the headboard holds my books, and there's still lots of room for the ones i plan to bring back from home. since space here is limited i don't need to feel like everything i left back home has to come with me here. just the criticals. and my opinion of what exactly is critical changes on the daily. sometimes i think i'd still be content if i never went back. sometimes though, i really miss my creature comforts. there's a couple hoodies i've been longing for, and my hats. always with the hats. there's some people too, but it's gonna mean a lot more than cramming them in a suitcase to get them here. maybe some other time.
the next few months will come and go as quickly as the last few have i'm sure, so i've been somewhat trying to plan out how i will utilize my time off, and what exactly i need to get done when i go home. the bus ride consumes over three days in each direction, and i've been batting around the idea of making two trips. that'd work out to over two weeks of solid bus time out of the six or so i have set aside to get everything done.
if i do manage the two trips idea, it'd cut back on idle time, and at the same time force me to sit still, and maybe even meet a few more people. on the trip west one of the girls i'd met was on her way back from doing one steady back-and-forth trip, pretty much a week straight on a bus. she looked about done with it come the final day, and i wondered if i'd have the strength to do it myself. i suppose time will tell. i'd likely take a few days in between each direction to recuperate and sleep horizontally in an actual bed. something that feels incredibly godly after any amount of overnights on a coach bus.
ah well. that's about all i've got for now. these are the things that have been cycling around my brain while i slow mosey around the city. work again tonight, maybe i'll squeeze a nap or a movie in before shift. books are cool too. thank god for paperbacks..