apparently i only post on the weekends.. i scrolled the last half dozen posts or so and i think five of them were specifically sunday. interesting.. well, that's about to change. my schedule at work is finally changing. i have been lucky enough to have weekends off for.. well the better part of the past three years actually, don't know how i managed to swing that, but i did. half of it was on the graveyard shift but still, weekends off!! it's one of those 'unheard-of'' things at my workplace, unless you've worked there forever, or you have a strictly office-hours-only role. i've played the latter a couple times now, and the former is starting to apply... but no less, i am monday to friday no more.
in fact, i will actually have to start writing my schedule down again.. and setting a separate alarm for waking up each day, even my start time is varying! strange. but what is even more strange is that this is the change.. that i have become used to having routines and an appearance of normalcy in my life. when in fact, i feel like an alien here a lot of the time, i feel.. strange. my existence once relied on the nowness of not knowing, i kept my cool in a life of uncertainty, i found peace in chaos.
sometimes i miss living in a tent. sometimes i wish i didn't have a home, a mattress, a place to store all of my stuff, and a bunch of stuff to store. but i take a deep breath and look around, and realize everything i have to be grateful for. living a 'normal' life isn't living a boring or meaningless one, it's just living a different one. the only constant in life is change, and i know it won't be this way forever. i never know exactly what direction my life will take [who does?] but i do know no matter which way it goes, i'm ready.
and also, i know there is always, always something to be grateful for. and that's why i want to start blogging more.. i want to share my gratitudes with anyone that will listen. that's why i started blogging in the first place. i have always kept a journal, kept a book of some sort recording keynote moments in my life, my biggest challenges and life's kindest gifts.. the people i've met, the lessons i've learned, and my reactions to them. well this is it now, these strands of writing posted publicly on the internet.
what's great about it is i don't have to carry it around. i just have to find access to the interwebs and voila! recorded and stored. cool huh? that's probably one of the biggest reasons i am grateful for the virtual world we have created, to have recordings of our lives not only to read back on and reflect, but also to share. what's the point of recording experiences if you never intend to share them?
one day when we're dead and gone our journals will be found and our histories uncovered. at least this way we can witness their uncoverings.. i always wonder if people would think i was crazy if they ever found my writings. this is a more likely way to find out.. ha. anyway, i learn a lot about myself if ever i have a chance to look back in time through the things i have written.. to see how far i have come, how much i grow and change as time passes, and interestingly, if i stick to my word. it seems a lot of the time i do manage to pull off all the crazy stuff i write down, and to fast forward and see that i have accomplished those things is a big motivator in the present.