this year's big journey.

i've been having a hard time writing for a while. i have ideas that i don't know how to get across and goals i'm not sure how to reach completely, but i'm learning and that's a start. the whole point in blogging [to me] is to share my experiences with hopes that someday someone will find some inspiration or comfort in my writings. it's a good feeling when you find someone you can relate to, even if they're on the other side of the world. oh, glorious interwebs. anyhoo i also like to have a way to record my trials and triumphs so that i have something to look back on occasionally to reflect, i've never had the best memory. this year's big journey is more of an inward one, a journey that is crucial so that i can continue this adventure we call life without falling to pieces.


i started a blog about a year ago called the Sage Thrive Challenge, with the idea that if i make my 'journey' public it would be a better motivator to regain my health and live a better lifestyle. it's not quite a success story yet, but it has a solid foundation of small triumphs and lots of challenges in motion. it has an outward appearance of a 'weightloss blog' but really, it's not something that i ever intend to finish. to thrive is perpetual and continual.. not just a 'diet' or following the trend, but deep self-reflection and healing through an overall lifestyle change. a true lifestyle change is 'forever' if one hopes to see lasting affects... and though i had the right idea in my head, i got caught up with other goals and achievements and lots of travel. i sort of lost track of myself. spent too much time outside of my body so-to-speak, and treating it more like a vessel to carry my mind around than a part of a whole living being that is 'me'. i've never given [me] the sort of attention i need to not only survive but thrive, to acknowledge the damage done over the years and to truly care enough to make the necessary adjustments to living a healthier and potentially longer life.

my destination is in each step

anyways, it's not about the weight loss. i mean, that will hopefully be a part of the outcome of a happier and healthier lifestyle, but it's not my only goal or my main one. my main goal is to provide my body with what it needs to heal itself; nourishment, a happy and healthy environment, a positive headspace, and plenty of proper exercise and rest. this past year of the journey has been learning about how to achieve this, and what i need to do to prepare. i'm currently 67 hours into a 72 hour juice fast and i'm more than confident that i can see it through. this confidence took time to build, and self-education had a lot to do with it.

with recharging my overall physical health, i hope to also recover my creativity and dissolve the fuzzy mental blockages i've been lazing behind for a while. i have a hard time writing and thinking and starting on a blank canvass these days, i even get frustrated in the kitchen trying to figure out what to make. this fast has forced me to be more thoughtful about what i put into my body and how it will affect me, and if nothing else comes from making it though i hope that mindset sticks with me. i'll repeat this process as many times as need be until it does.

something else that i hope to achieve in all of this is the ability to truly 'let go of my past'.. all of this weight that i'm holding on to was put there when i was in a point in my life that caused me a great amount of stress. i always gain weight when i'm stressed, it's just how i work. i know this, yet i had a seriously difficult time eliminating [unnecessary] stresses from my life. i think it was part environment and part attitude, i took things very personally before. and though my circumstances are way better than they were, i'm still dealing with things that others in a different mindset would find unmanageable. 

another part of my past that i'm ready to let go of is the 'addiction' to foods that i know aren't good for me, like breads and processed things, things in packages that contain far more ingredients than one. my overall diet could be seen as generally healthy in comparison to the average, but there's still all those hidden 'things' in my food that i don't know what they do to me. it started in my childhood for sure, my mother fed us not much else besides peanut butter sandwiches and Kraft dinner. anything that was fast and cheap, with the occasional meat and potatoes. if she fed us at all.. so it was no wonder when we set out on our own my brother and i always had a taste for refined foods.

let me get back to the mindset.. my state of mind in all of this is huge, i've tried juice fasts before and with no success. my wantings and cravings for foods that i was restricting myself from were powerful, even nauseating. i could never successfully cleanse or fast for longer than a day and i felt terrible. this time was much different, educated, motivated.. a jumpstart into a whole new way of life. i'm not broke anymore [well, in comparison to before] and i'm not homeless so i have no excuses like eating to survive. now i have the opportunity to eat to thrive, and hopefully heal the damages done over the decades.

today i get to ease back into the eating world only with this whole new mindset.. i'm actually excited to challenge myself to eat nothing but Real Food. novel idea, no? how many of us actually do eat nothing but real food.. look at our grocery stores!! they provide for demand, and the demand is processed junk. you think you're making a 'healthy choice' by grabbing a can of tomato sauce and a bag of pasta instead of say, McDonalds.. and as it turns out there's probably about as much refined sugar and wheat in the plate of spaghetti as there is in the cheeseburger and coke.

my kitchen is already pretty stocked with delicious fresh produce, so i suppose instead of [correction, alongside] juicing it i'll just eat a small bowl of cut fruits and vegetables to break the fast. thoughtfully.. which brings me to another point! ...that i'll save for a new post because this one is getting pretty long already. making up for lost time... and i'm finally doing something [for myself!] worth writing about. go me! this year's journey is one that i'll take internally [and then share, because why not?] ...thanks for reading. i'll be back..