this year's big journey.

i've been having a hard time writing for a while. i have ideas that i don't know how to get across and goals i'm not sure how to reach completely, but i'm learning and that's a start. the whole point in blogging [to me] is to share my experiences with hopes that someday someone will find some inspiration or comfort in my writings. it's a good feeling when you find someone you can relate to, even if they're on the other side of the world. oh, glorious interwebs. anyhoo i also like to have a way to record my trials and triumphs so that i have something to look back on occasionally to reflect, i've never had the best memory. this year's big journey is more of an inward one, a journey that is crucial so that i can continue this adventure we call life without falling to pieces.


i started a blog about a year ago called the Sage Thrive Challenge, with the idea that if i make my 'journey' public it would be a better motivator to regain my health and live a better lifestyle. it's not quite a success story yet, but it has a solid foundation of small triumphs and lots of challenges in motion. it has an outward appearance of a 'weightloss blog' but really, it's not something that i ever intend to finish. to thrive is perpetual and continual.. not just a 'diet' or following the trend, but deep self-reflection and healing through an overall lifestyle change. a true lifestyle change is 'forever' if one hopes to see lasting affects... and though i had the right idea in my head, i got caught up with other goals and achievements and lots of travel. i sort of lost track of myself. spent too much time outside of my body so-to-speak, and treating it more like a vessel to carry my mind around than a part of a whole living being that is 'me'. i've never given [me] the sort of attention i need to not only survive but thrive, to acknowledge the damage done over the years and to truly care enough to make the necessary adjustments to living a healthier and potentially longer life.

my destination is in each step

anyways, it's not about the weight loss. i mean, that will hopefully be a part of the outcome of a happier and healthier lifestyle, but it's not my only goal or my main one. my main goal is to provide my body with what it needs to heal itself; nourishment, a happy and healthy environment, a positive headspace, and plenty of proper exercise and rest. this past year of the journey has been learning about how to achieve this, and what i need to do to prepare. i'm currently 67 hours into a 72 hour juice fast and i'm more than confident that i can see it through. this confidence took time to build, and self-education had a lot to do with it.

with recharging my overall physical health, i hope to also recover my creativity and dissolve the fuzzy mental blockages i've been lazing behind for a while. i have a hard time writing and thinking and starting on a blank canvass these days, i even get frustrated in the kitchen trying to figure out what to make. this fast has forced me to be more thoughtful about what i put into my body and how it will affect me, and if nothing else comes from making it though i hope that mindset sticks with me. i'll repeat this process as many times as need be until it does.

something else that i hope to achieve in all of this is the ability to truly 'let go of my past'.. all of this weight that i'm holding on to was put there when i was in a point in my life that caused me a great amount of stress. i always gain weight when i'm stressed, it's just how i work. i know this, yet i had a seriously difficult time eliminating [unnecessary] stresses from my life. i think it was part environment and part attitude, i took things very personally before. and though my circumstances are way better than they were, i'm still dealing with things that others in a different mindset would find unmanageable. 

another part of my past that i'm ready to let go of is the 'addiction' to foods that i know aren't good for me, like breads and processed things, things in packages that contain far more ingredients than one. my overall diet could be seen as generally healthy in comparison to the average, but there's still all those hidden 'things' in my food that i don't know what they do to me. it started in my childhood for sure, my mother fed us not much else besides peanut butter sandwiches and Kraft dinner. anything that was fast and cheap, with the occasional meat and potatoes. if she fed us at all.. so it was no wonder when we set out on our own my brother and i always had a taste for refined foods.

let me get back to the mindset.. my state of mind in all of this is huge, i've tried juice fasts before and with no success. my wantings and cravings for foods that i was restricting myself from were powerful, even nauseating. i could never successfully cleanse or fast for longer than a day and i felt terrible. this time was much different, educated, motivated.. a jumpstart into a whole new way of life. i'm not broke anymore [well, in comparison to before] and i'm not homeless so i have no excuses like eating to survive. now i have the opportunity to eat to thrive, and hopefully heal the damages done over the decades.

today i get to ease back into the eating world only with this whole new mindset.. i'm actually excited to challenge myself to eat nothing but Real Food. novel idea, no? how many of us actually do eat nothing but real food.. look at our grocery stores!! they provide for demand, and the demand is processed junk. you think you're making a 'healthy choice' by grabbing a can of tomato sauce and a bag of pasta instead of say, McDonalds.. and as it turns out there's probably about as much refined sugar and wheat in the plate of spaghetti as there is in the cheeseburger and coke.

my kitchen is already pretty stocked with delicious fresh produce, so i suppose instead of [correction, alongside] juicing it i'll just eat a small bowl of cut fruits and vegetables to break the fast. thoughtfully.. which brings me to another point! ...that i'll save for a new post because this one is getting pretty long already. making up for lost time... and i'm finally doing something [for myself!] worth writing about. go me! this year's journey is one that i'll take internally [and then share, because why not?] ...thanks for reading. i'll be back..

so fresh..

ahh yes, good ol' blog neglect. it appears as though i forgot to hit this one for a couple weeks.. didn't miss too much, mostly hibernating.. and planning for the fresh new year ahead. a week ago the weather was absolutely wretched, being minus forty degrees outside with powerful arctic wind for a good few days, there were an awful lot of Day After Tomorrow memes floating around. it finally started to thaw the past couple days, it's nice to be able to breathe the air outside again.

at least i've been keeping busy in the kitchen, trying new things like juicing greens and making different dishes from scratch that i'd never tried making before, and made a good few mean batches of chili. it's about time i'd better commit to improving my health before i fall apart any further, so i'm starting with my diet by doing my best to eliminate processed foods, which is mostly grain products filled with that delicious evil gluten. and i'm hooked on my juicer. there is absolutely nothing more satisfying to quench me than a nice fresh pressed glass of everything juice. mmmmmm everything....

...so i'm pretty excited for the garden this year. it was 6 degrees yesterday which is the warmest it's been for weeks, so i took a good long walkabout around the garden to start daydreaming about the new layout this spring. last year we hadn't moved here till pretty late in the planting season so we just kind of threw it all together, this year we have plenty of time to come up with a better design. apparently all i can think about right now is food. sprouting it, growing it, preparing it and eating it. ohsnap! i'm human! haha. now imma have a bit of that there chili over rice and a nice glass of lemon lime apple carrot ginger beet juice! ta...

goodbye twenty thirteen...

...i totally just woke up and sang that to the tune of 'goodbye yellow brick road' by elton john.. and then i remembered that i got to see elton john in the crazy mashup of epic awesomeness that this year has been.. yeah. but it's time to say goodbye... which seems to be a very long drawn out process. this year, on top of everything, has really messed with my perception of time. first it's flying by, and then dead stop. rewind, repeat.

now i suppose it's fitting that the tune goes so well along with the words of bidding the year farewell, because twenty thirteen sort of feels like my 'yellow brick road'. the dude that wrote that song was depicting the idea of leaving the life of fame and fortune to get back to his roots, to go back to the farm. that's sort of how i feel about this year.. experiencing bits of the high life here and there, traveling more than i conventionally would while living as a commoner. saying goodbye to this year and all that happened in it is my way of saying it's time to go home. back to my dirt and shovel..

when i was a kid i always loved going to my dad's house. he lived in what was then regarded as the 'middle of nowhere' in a log cabin on the edge of some trees, decades before urban sprawl caught up with it. there were lots of gardens and orchards around the yard, and one of my most favourite chores was gathering brush to burn in the firepit out back. i loved planting season, and the satisfaction one would gain from weeding a bed, i loved everything about it.

until i was a pre-teen of course, and i'd gone to stay there a while. no pre-teen in the country who knows what the city is like wants to stay out in the country. i was one of those kids. i felt my life was so disconnected, and i wanted ever so badly to stay in town. i knew not what i was getting myself into or about the hardships and challenges that lied within that lifestyle. i did know that going back to stay with my addict mother was going to be a challenge in itself, but one well worth it to get away from the country. i wanted to be where the people were, the people that didn't hate on me for being a city girl to begin with. i've always been torn between my two sets of roots. i suppose that's why i ultimaltely chose the lifestyle that i did, my happy medium.

and now here we are. the end of one year and the beginning of another. the idea of wanting to 'make it big' and change the world has faded back into the background where it belongs. i'm not a big fancy corporate leader, i'm a simple farmer. and if ever the day comes that my wanting to get back to my roots enables me to advance in society, or in my 'corporate career' then so be it. i could only pray that that would be the change.. that others might be encouraged to follow.

next year i'll likely be doing considerably less traveling, and focusing more energy on the soil outside my back door. all i wanted was that garden, and i let it get out of hand while my head was busy swimming in the clouds. literally, at some points... damn airplanes. i can't believe i rode so many this year, that's certainly a record i don't wish to break any time soon. goodbye twenty thirteen, your bright lights and fancy ideals. you can't keep me from my garden, i'm going back to my trowel.

Merrell Moab Ventilator hiking shoe

it's another perfect day to hibernate today, which means i have time to catch up on a review or two. there's one i've been meaning to do for a while now, years even.. on a pair of hiking shoes. if you know me, you know that i like to spend a lot of time barefoot, but when spending a long time on the road and experiencing various terrains and weather conditions, i wanted to get a pair of comfortable and durable shoes. something that could carry me many kilometers with a good amount of weight on my back.

to be honest, a big selling factor on this pair at the time of purchase was the price. they have a sturdy comfortable insole that eventually conforms to the shape of your feet, and they are reasonably water resistant while maintaining good breathability. they are lightweight, yet sturdy. the soles are by Vibram which assures reliability and durability.

i bought these shoes right before embarking on a year-long coast to coast journey hoping that they would last me through three seasons, and they did so well enough. i broke them in gently on my early spring hike along the southern portion of the Bruce Trail. they have seen many hundreds of kilometers of trails, mossy mountain sides, soggy field, rugged forest and miles and miles of the Trans Canada Highway, and the Trans Canada Trail wherever i could find it along the way.

my journey began when it was still quite chilly outside, and these shoes are well adapted to the cold with a good sock inside, i chose merino wool and they kept my feet toasty warm and dry. as the seasons progressed even into late summer it was easy to transition by wearing a thinner sock in the heat. i even used them as work shoes when on the road, perfect for doing hours and hours of garden maintenance, and the journey to and from my job sites.

i'd have to guess that i had hiked well over a thousand kilometers total on all types of terrain through almost a year's worth of various weather before i finally busted a toe seam. and even then , i still managed to squeeze a few hundred more kilometers out of them before they needed replacing. certainly the best value for the price i'd ever gotten from a hiker, and they were just under a hundred bucks. by the way, i made the purchase back in 2008 and i still have them kicking around [as my shovelling shoes] today. and they were such a good make, they're still widely available! i'd consider reinvesting if ever i find myself needing another solid hiker. i have since transitioned to fivefingers [by Vibram] as i have gained enough strength in my feet to carry a considerable amount of weight without as much support. stay tuned for my fivefinger review!

Garden City Under Ice

at 2:30 in the morning i somehow was startled awake by the sound of the power going out... i lit a candle to wander and investigate. a few minutes later i got a text from Matt asking if the power was out at home. it must be the weather.. i opened the door to the sound of icy rain. parts of the city were out. i checked online while my cellphone still had juice, many towns around lake Ontario had downed power lines.

it looked amazing. i couldn't wait for the rain to slow down so i could take some pictures...

i ventured out with an umbrella and the telephoto lens. i could hear tree branches crackling under the weight of the ice as the winds started to pick up again. i made it a quick jorney through the garden and down the street. the cedars bowed down maples around the corner. everything glistening under a thick layer of ice. the frozen turned back into rain and i quickened my pace to return to the homestead, the umbrella was about to give up. brr...

it's days like today i'm especially glad i have someplace warm to hide.

Vaude Gallery Air 30+5

i'm a big fan of a good pack. this was my second time purchasing a good name brand pack so i knew more what i was looking for this time around. it has everything i insist on having in a backpack.. bottle pockets, a built in rain tarp, and a mesh open air backboard. this backpack set the standard for me, and influenced a later purchase of a bigger one. it may even be... my favourite!

that being said, this pack is considered 'small'. it's 35 liters fully extended, and 30 liters compressed. it has a compression zipper built in around the bottom half that will pull the bag closer to your body when it isn't completely full, making lighter loads more comfortable to carry without the pack sagging down. it also has a zipper access to the bottom of the main pocket, a zip-up divider for the main compartment, and a whole separate front compartment with little mesh elasticized pockets to organize tools, gadgets and other small necessities.

there is a small zip-up pocket on the inside to hide small important things, and a pocket for a water bladder down the inside of the backboard. i personally never switched over to using such things, i've always been a classic nalgene bottle type of gal. hence my insistence on bottle pockets, perhaps sometime in the future i'll give the tube a try.

this bag is incredibly versatile. given all the zippers and straps this pack can be shrunk down for day use, or expanded out [and stacked upon] to carry enough gear for a multi-week long journey. i was a little nervous at first about all the moving parts, but after weeks and even months straight of daily use, and being my main pack for years since, everything still works. there is expected wear and tear on things like some of the elastic, and the mesh has worn little holes, but everything is fully functioning, even the fly.

there are many loops, solid and velcro, on the outside of the pack. they are positioned to support hiking poles which i haven't used in a while, and they are now used to hang my damp extra pair of fivefingers or wet washcloths to dry, cups or dishes, or whatever extra bits i may have to carry. i even used the bottom loops and the frame to tie my sleep mat to the bottom with a bootlace.

this is the perfect mid-sized pack for me, and with proper arrangement, all the gear a person could need [in warmer weather] fits comfortably on this little pack. the suspended mesh-lined backboard keeps the weight from sitting directly against your back allowing for airflow, and for sweat to evaporate instead of sitting against your skin. certainly comfortable to hike with for many hours of the day. when this pack finally breaks i will likely get something similar or the same. i have seen the newer makes with slight improvements to things like the mesh pockets [better reinforced] and the straps. big win, would certainly go with a Vaude product again.

every five years..

something amazing happens. of course, i just realized this now as i was thinking.. this was the best year ever. and the last time i thought that very thing was back in 2008, 5 years ago. and five years before that. all the way back to 1988 when i was three years old, my baby brother was born. so i suppose that's when it all began.

i didn't have many expectations for 2o13, but i was hopeful that it'd be a lot better than 2o12. and it was. my luck had certainly changed. last year so many things had gone wrong, i felt like i was in my own personal hell. it was the 'end of the world' indeed to me, the world that i had created for myself was crumbling. once i had finally stopped resisting and accepted all that had happened it got easier.

 in mid february, i found out about shareholders. it's a huge annual event held in arkansas that hosts people from all over the world for a mind blowing week of lessons, activities and interactions. one had to be voted by their store to go, and then audition to the district. i won the store level vote. i felt loved.

a few weeks later into march, i was surprised to find out that i had won, and was to be sent to represent our district at the international shareholders meeting! that means i was one of 150 canadians to attend, of the 90,000 canadians that work for our company. what an honour! the day after i found out, i was in for another surprise that was truly quite unexpected.

the year previous i had lost my home, my garden, my partner and a lot of friends. but i had gained one special friend from all of it, the dude on the couch. once everyone had found somewhere to be as the community house died off, this fellow was left without a place to go. i took him with me. a year later we were still living together as roommates. late march he had to travel out of town for a week to visit family. it was a long, cold lonely week.. when he had gotten home, the very day after i'd found out i won the vote, i found out that i'd won his heart as well. we had missed each other so much while he was gone we wondered why we weren't together. and so, it began. the last day of winter.

a few weeks later i decided to do something i never thought i'd do, write my beginners. i passed with flying colours, and this hippy walked out with a license to drive. and somewhere around that same time i obtained a passport to travel, and a clean pass into the states. it was only april and already my life was changing for the better.

in may we got our own place. i was hesitant at first to make the move, i wasn't sure about the neighbourhood or the fact of living in a basement.. but i was excited learn that we would have free use of an enormous yard to do and grow whatever we please, and a fire pit to enjoy. did i mention there isn't any neighbours? so it worked out.. just when i thought there'd be a year without a garden we found someplace to grow.

and we did.. we grew as much as we could plant on such sort notice. we have a surplus of tomatoes to make sauce with all winter, and we gorged all summer on freshly grown eggplants and herbs. the berries got off to a good start, and the sunflowers made plenty of tasty fresh seeds for the fall. oh and one more thing..

the day after we moved in, i cut off my dreads. this time, by choice. for years i didn't feel comfortable with the idea of not having them, over ten years i spent moslty in dreadlock. two sets, five years each. i felt i might as well go with the flow of changes, and i wanted to shed some unnecessary weight off my shoulders. also in preparation for traveling to the southern states in early june.

it would be my first time flying since i was eleven. and that time was awful traumatic.. it embedded a deep fear of flight in me that took a lot of nerve to get over. i had sworn to never fly which i knew would limit me on travel, but i had to for this journey. i'm glad i did, four planes later [two each way] i can finally stomach soaring through the air at insane speeds and altitudes to get places faraway quickly.

 had i not gone, i would have missed out on the surprise elton john concert.. truly a once in a lifetime thing. i'd never have the money or the bother to attempt to get tickets to a show like that, and here i got to see him for free. something i will truly never forget.

before all of this, i had decided that i'd like to visit nova scotia as it had been far too long since i'd been. and now that i had a new someone to bring with me, it was an extra special journey. i got to introduce matt to my old friends, and to some of my favourite places i've been. and we got to experience a few new places together like peggy's cove, and a huge inner city permaculture food farm. we got to see the pitch black skies and watch the stars and the milky way, and glide peacefully in a canoe on the lake. a little taste of what life will be like after retirement.. hopefully sooner. anyhoo..

i'm glad that we mostly relaxed for that journey. somewhere along the line i had signed up for a trip just about as action packed as the last one, and it was nice to take a breather in between. friends of mine had been trying for a long time to convince me to shoot their wedding. after saying i wouldn't a few times [i don't do weddings] they finally won me over.. with a journey to the dominican. and i couldn't be more grateful as it was an amazing experience all around.

i made a bunch of new friends that week, photographed a beautiful wedding, and had a chance to go geocaching in the sand. not to mention a few other once in a lifetime type things including swimming with dolphins, sharks and stingrays, riding a dune buggy into the jungle.. and staying at an all inclusive resort enjoying a swim up bar with all the banana mamas and pina coladas i could ever drink.

really, i still have a hard time believing it all happened, let alone in the past year.. my head is still swimming as each experience is catching up with me. i have so much to be grateful for.. some great challenges have been balanced with some great opportunities and experiences. i have no idea where my luck came from this year, but i won't complain. thirteen has always held a special place with me, perhaps that is a part of it.

peace out 2o13, thanks for everything. i think i'll need a year off to recuperate.. and garden too.