journalog 1-7-18

It's quiet out here. Well, sort of... It became quite loud all of a sudden yesterday, and just as quickly it was done. The several inch thick layer of ice on the roof let go in an instant- weighed down with snow and then rain. When it crashed onto the awning separating it from the house, it sounded like we were run over by an avalanche.

We got up at first light today to venture over to the other farm. Our land owner had a stash of materials we could use to repair the awning, the only challenge was getting to it. He ran the tractor to dig out a path to the barn, and we loaded Delilah's roof racks with lumber while taking in the view. The warmer temperatures and slight breeze brought in a fog that made our mountain backdrop disappear in sweeping brushstrokes.

The awning adventure and getting a fire going was our excitement for the day. Cabin fever is a thing, and we're getting a little restless. We're going on our tenth week without steady work. Putting around the property when the weather allows to keep ourselves busy. We seek out downed branches we can buck up for the woodpile, and make our way out to the general store every few days to keep up on the social and make sure the van runs.

It's been a challenge to be at total peace with our situation. If we were truly remote, off the grid and not so reliant on finances, we'd be much more comfortable with what we have. The fact that we have to pay for the space that we occupy monthly is the part we're having troubles with. We've managed to find odd cash opportunities here and there to get a few bills paid, but it's been tight.

I'm glad that we stored up as much as we did for the winter. Every trip to town we made through the summer I chose an essential to buy in bulk. We've used a decent percentage of our food stores though, and we're edging on 'uncomfortably low'. We're getting into our last can of coffee, jar of honey and bag of sugar. The frozen fruit stores are well below half, and we've made a sizeable dent in our veggies. Our cupboards are fairly light, though we do still have a decent amount of rice and flour. Three weeks from now, we'll be setting into 'desperately low'. It's essential that we get steady work soon. Garden season is still a couple months away.

Hibernating hasn't been a total bummer though. I couldn't have imagined a better place to be holed up in for the winter. Something tells me I wouldn't be as settled being so long without work if I were living in the city. I know this from experience. After one week without a job I lose it- city living is costly on the daily and it's hard to avoid.

Out here the shift in priorities makes not having steady work much more bearable, even enjoyable at times. There's so much to do to maintain the cabin and the property- especially in storm season.. it's enough just to make it through the day without a panic attack. When you're more concerned with staying warm and making sure your home isn't destroyed by the weather, having a couple bills a few months overdue doesn't seem so pressing. There's no real worry to get anywhere on time if you can't get anywhere at all.

Also the view ain't half bad. We find enjoyment and satisfaction in the beautiful simplicity of country living. We could sit for hours watching the fireplace, and bundling up to go for a walk down our road is a scenic nature tour. Watching the eagles by day and listening for owls at night is a delightful blessing. Maintaining the house is more than just chores, it's fulfilling and satisfying that we are free to enjoy our own space as we choose.

I feel very fortunate to be here. There are far more challenging places I could be while broke in the middle of winter, like tenting in the woods. We may not have access to some basic luxuries, and it may get a little uncomfortable at times, but as Erik Salitan says, "excessive comfort is detrimental to one's character". There is always peace to be found amidst the chaos. There's always so much to be grateful for that it outshines the not-so-glamorous aspects of living a transient sort of lifestyle.

I anticipate getting real busy real soon with work in the field and in the garden, so I'm doing my best to savour the downtime. I've made one of my goals for the year to be better organized in my writing and little photography projects so my ideas and images don't get buried forever. As always, thanks to everyone reading this, for always sending words of encouragement and support. And a HUGE thank you to everyone who contributed near and far by ordering smelly things from my website, and sending us Timmies bucks and lunch cards. Your generosity and thoughtfulness truly warmed us! All the love.

xo

seasonally affected.

yea, i get it.. we live in canada, we have this thing called 'winter', and it's cold for half the year. but damn, what is it about this winter..? the fact the we finally got one? that it's been steady cold for months on end with maybe a day or two above freezing? i don't know maybe all of it.. i just... can't wait for it to be over.

literally.. it's getting at me. maybe i'm just getting old.. but i've been wanting ever so badly to move to a warmer climate. the fact that i'd be able to grow more too.. mmm food. haha. i swear it's been getting colder every day this week, and it's supposed to be colder yet on the weekend?! dah! i don't even want to drag my clothes to the laundromat.. it's a good thing i lost the capacity to sweat weeks ago. for real, i've been working out just to get warmed up. i have to nearly kill myself to break that sweat.. that might be the very one and only thing i'd miss about the colder weather. then again, sweating it off is far too horrible a challenge, and then there's always hypothermia... i'm really not trying to sound like i'm complaining, but.. i am. ha.

 maybe it's not just me. according to 'news media', meteorologists are even saying, dayumn it's cold! coldest winter we've had in decades apparently. i've been here almost three decades, and yeah in that span of time i remember some crazy winters, big storms and long stretches of ridiculous cold. most notably, the years that i spent living outside in late high school and early adulthood. there were nights and even entire weeks i'd have to find much warmer places to hide, but nothing like this. i can't even imagine being in that position this year. weeks on end with minus double digits, it's so draining. to all my still homeless/vagabond homies, my heart goes out to you. oh and those of you further north, out west, and pretty much everyone else in this ice encapsulated country.. stay safe and warm tonight.

my skin is dry, my lips and fingers are split, the outermost curves of my thighs and butt cheeks are thoroughly chapped with frostbite from weeks of walking to work in the bitter wind [despite the layers], and my apartment is a bloody ice box. it's even freakin freezing at work. i wish it was more snow and less bitter, mind numbing frost burning wind. scrap that, i just wish it'd be over soon. not too quick though, the thaw will be sure to wreak havoc on my subterranean dwelling [as it already has]. bring it on spring.

bring it spring.. cabin fever

i'm starting to become anxious for the warmer weather. it's not unlike me to feel cabin fever about this time of year, but it's really starting to weigh on my spirit. i found myself snapping at matt about something silly, caught myself immediately and apologized.. i don't know what came over me. more irritated than usual, and it's not even pms! about this time of year i start to feel like a caged animal all backed into a corner. my anxiety isn't as overcoming as it has been in previous years, but it's certainly making itself known.

checking back i noticed that i wrote a similar blog post about this time last year, only it was a few weeks later than now. i wrote about how we had actually gotten a 'real' winter.. i think this one has last year's beat. it's cold. bitter cold. and i hate to complain because i know it could be worse, and so could my situation as it has been in the past.. i mean at least we have 'four walls and a roof over our heads' even if we have to bundle up in blankets and wear shoes indoors to keep warm. when it gets really cold our bathroom floor becomes soggy with condensation, another joy of living in a [not properly finished] basement.

we've almost been here a year, and it's our first winter in this apartment. a friend of mine at work is trying to convince us to move.. even though we have to 'deal with' some inconveniences living here, the pros far outweigh the cons. i had almost considered the offer to check out this other apartment but then i remembered... spring is coming.

so what if it's so bloody cold we have to stay bundled. so what if our bathroom is a wet room pretty well all winter. so what if it wasn't sealed properly when it was converted into an 'apartment'.. that's what we invested in dehumidifiers for. we might not have a 'real' kitchen but we have an enormous back yard, a firepit that we can actually use [bylaws in the city prohibit fires] and we're literally five minutes on foot from a grocery, health food store, natural deli, plus a walk-in clinic and pharmacy [if we ever needed it]. and a little further down is the gym that i joined [and finally opens in a week!]. on top of all that, we can walk downtown in twenty minutes, and get to work without transit if we so choose. and the price is right. i know, you get what you pay for, but everything about being here is more than worth it. this is the lowest  rent i've paid on an apartment. ever.

the apartment that i was offered to view was also a basement but properly finished with an actual kitchen. i took a stroll by, and there are no real windows that i could see on that level of the house. the yard is a lot smaller, with neighbours on one side, a pub on the other, and far too much shade for ever growing food. that and it's over the bridge onto the hill [much too far to walk to work] and the rent is a little higher. it seemed like a good idea in the moment that i was shivering in my living room.. but as they say, the grass isn't always greener. maybe that's not the exact saying but you know what i mean..

i could really use some sun... so pasty!

...and spring is coming! i wish it was a little more quickly, but at least i know i'm ready when it arrives. as soon as our bags of topsoil thaw, we'll be expanding the garden bed closest to the house so that we can include more perennials. i can't wait to dig in the dirt.. hell i can't wait to spend a decent amount of time outside without my skin feeling freezer burned all the time. i will be in my bliss the first day i can relax out back with a lawn chair, a good book and a glass of iced tea.

for now i'm keeping myself amused with half a dozen books about gardening, sustainability and business.. plus a bunch of free courses and lectures available at a website called Coursera. in fact, if it wasn't for that amazing resource for free learning, i probably would have lost my noggin long ago. i couldn't be more grateful to the person who shared with me the link, and i hope others will make use of it too. learning about what plants know, the basics of nutrition and how to change the world has certainly kept me positive while waiting out the winter blues. speaking of, i have some chili to make and some lectures to get caught up on, so i'll stop 'complaining' about the cold... for now.