Switch

 I think it's safe to say that this year has been an Awakening in some form or another for many of us. For myself, experiencing a Health crisis amidst a pandemic certainly left me shook. Back in 2014 I was in the best health of my life. I promised myself then that I would never let myself fall into a state of dis-ease ever again. And here I am 6 years later, awash in a disarray of medical mystery. 

It took years of hard work and dedication to reclaim my health in my late twenties. Having diminished that almost completely by my mid-30s has left me mourning the loss of something that meant everything to me. Freedom from unnecessary daily suffering. I struggled my entire life with some autoimmune disorder or another, and for the most part I'd finally had them under control. I had found the will and desire to put in the effort to take the best care of myself that I could. I had shelter, a kitchen and a garden. I had learned to make do and thrive in an environment that was once killing me.

Then something happened. Well a bunch of things happened, a sudden change in my state of mind, my environment and my intention. I held onto the self care habits for as long as I could despite my situation, but somewhere along the way I lost the most important thing. My peace of mind.

I catch myself forgetting to breathe sometimes. Anxiety, guilt, depression.. internal things. Feelings I haven't dealt with following a series of traumas. And instead of addressing them, I've buried them in busi-ness and obsessive, damaging behaviours. I've been exporting my efforts into rearing animals and keeping gardens, yet failing to allow myself to fully benefit from the positive environment I'm attempting to create for myself. From the outside looking in, it appears that I should be healthy, but I'm not. I'm sick, and tired, and often and a great deal of pain.

I find myself mindlessly going through the motions of the day. Perhaps I have been stuck on autopilot more than I realized. I find that being more mindful in my actions and more specific in my intentions alleviates anxiety, but I have been forgetting to do this... I feel like I've spent this entire year just waiting for something. All the medical testing, sudden flare ups and fear of the unknown has me stuck in this vicious cycle of distracted inaction.

I'm taking a moment to recognize this, and to write it out as a reminder, and to share it for the sake of accountability. I owe myself better than my current experience. I deserve to enjoy the life that I have built up for myself without being stuck in the clutches of discomfort caused by a myriad of probably preventable health issues that could be avoided by diverting all of this stress. I need to flip the switch.


It's time to do better.

A timely pandemic

I'm not sure I want things to go back to normal. I don't think the normal we had was doing us much good. Many of us anyways.. myself included. I've been struggling with my health for years, and this past year has been the most turbulent. It's kind of crazy to even think it, but if it wasn't for this pandemic I may have never woken up to the reality of my situation until it was much too late.

I spent the better part of a week in the hospital on an Intravenous. My pancreas, liver and kidneys went haywire, and my stomach lining was all but gone. I had just experienced the most intense pain of my life, and all I could think about was the fact that I was missing work. I wasn't worried about my health as much as my responsibilities- job wise and financially.

Quite literally I would not have voluntarily applied for medical leave if it was not absolutely required of me at that time. If it were my choice, and I would have been able to proceed with screenings and treatment while still going to work, I would have opted to do so. Even though it hasn't worked for me in the past. Even though I was aware it would be difficult, uncomfortable and possibly dangerous. Even though the likelihood of healing would have been greatly reduced.

It's been 10 weeks, and only now am I beginning to realize how imperative it is for me to be in the best environment possible to heal. I'm not better yet. Hell, I haven't even been able to complete the screening and diagnosis process due to the covid. I've been waiting in limbo trying to figure out for myself what's happening internally so that I can begin to correct it. And honestly, now that I'm getting into it, I truly believe any sort of actual healing would not have been impossible otherwise.

Being mostly homebound, I have the time and mental space to really pay attention to what I'm doing hourly and daily, so that I can monitor how it affects me and my condition. The food I eat, how much and when. How much sleep I get, or don't.. whether I remember to drink enough water to satiate my kidney function..what hurts, what helps, which organs are affected by what,  what becomes inflamed when.

Moving into my eleventh week on the homestead, I'm finally starting to get a good idea. A touch of a grasp on what's happening to me. And even starting to figure out how to manage my condition to keep up with everyday life. Thing is, in order for me to maintain and continue in the direction of healing, the reality of everyday life for me must change.

...

I'm 35 years old. I have been working since I was 14. 40-60 hours a week all summer if I could, and weekends in the school year. The further into high school I got, the more I worked. By the end of school I ended up finishing early so that I could work full time. Not always did I have a place to live, but I always had means of supporting myself. And between work and school it didn't much matter where I spent the very few hours of down time in between.

By 22 I felt the burn. I opted for a seasonal rotation of employment- load up on hours for a couple months at a time so I could take a few months at a time off to travel. The traveling of course came with it's own work, for several summers I'd go to either the east or west coast to work until work ran out, chill for a few weeks to enjoy it, and come back home. Being transient lessened my expenses for certain things, so I spent a little less time doing hard labour so I could spend more time on the trails and in the trees.

It worked well for me for nearly a decade. But as I made a running slide into my thirties, it all caught up to me quickly. My body isn't as keen as it once was sleeping on the ground or in the back of a truck. My recovery time is longer, I need a bit more actual rest. Having a place to call home became imperative, and now it's finally time I take advantage of the opportunity- to use this time at Home to Heal.

...

But I can't go through all this just to come out the other side and go back to normal, the very normal that got me to this level of dis-ease and discomfort in the first place. Every job I've ever had has taken it's toll. It's the only kind of work I know, what I'm good at. Physical. Hard. Work. I'm in construction now, before that was landscaping and gardening on all scales. Before that was warehouse jobs, garden centers, even the photo lab was hard on the body with repetitive heavy lifting of the giant paper cartridges and photo chemicals that I now know had long term effects on my inner organs.

When I ended up taking a dive with my health I'd gotten myself down to 30 hour work weeks already, with 15 hours of driving on top. Though I had the right idea limiting my hours a bit, I don't think it was enough. Reality is though, maintaining a role in society requires an income. I've had a bit of a break from having to stress about that aspect of daily life for a minute, finally utilizing the insurance I've been paying into for years- but my time is almost up.

Now I must consider my reentry into the game. I have to make a decision- going back to what I was doing is not an option if I wish to also maintain my health. I can either go back to work very part time and find other means of supplementing my income, or consider long term disability while I further pursue my health paradox. Both options have their own sets of benefits and drawbacks, so I must carefully weigh my options in the coming weeks.


It's been a timely pandemic indeed. I refuse to let the lessons learned- about my health, job and food security go to waste. It's been an eye opening experience on many levels, and now more than ever, it's time for change.

Sick and Tired.

I can't believe we're already getting into March. I guess what they say about getting older is true, every year that passes seems to go faster than the one before. In just over a month, I'll be turning 34 years... That in itself is hard to believe.

I don't know if I'm ready to blame it on the Mercury retrograde, but I've been feeling a little strange this week. I'm not usually an incredibly emotional person, but everything seems to be getting to me.

I could chalk it up to a midlife crisis type thing, or maybe the fact that the 5 year anniversary of my mother's passing it's coming up soon... or that it's also been five years since my cousin died from cancer. It could be a combination of all the things. Whatever it is, so many feels.

On one hand I just want spring to hurry up already, but on the other hand I wish I could just hibernate. Part of me can't wait to get out there in the garden, while the rest of me is so bloody tired. I just want to take a big long nap- and still be able to function as required in society.

Actually, if I could do without the society part, I'd probably be fine. Maybe if I didn't hate money so much I wouldn't have such a hard time acquiring it. And stressing about it. And letting the lack thereof be the biggest factor in a lot of my life decisions.

I feel like lack of time and money are my two biggest hurdles- or should I say excuses as to why I've been neglecting my health. I don't know what my problem is. I found the strength and energy and time to somehow pull it off back home, and I was making less money back then.

Perhaps it's true that I had nothing else pressing besides my job at that point in my life, and finding my health became my obsession and my pastime. I need that again. I need to feel better to truly enjoy this life. But i'm struggling at finding the strength, willpower and motivation.

I'm sick and tired of carrying all this extra weight around. I don't want to wake up feeling like shit every day anymore. I'm sick of my guts hurting every time I eat. I'm sick of the intense pain I suffer for several days every 4 weeks. I'm tired of waking up tired all the time. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, and even more sick and tired of complaining about it.

I need to find the energy to take care of myself so that I can continue to take care of all the beautiful animal friends I've made. I need to find my strength so that i'm still strong enough to handle them when they need to be. I need to find my will to make it up those beautiful mountains and wade the streams to hunt and fish and enjoy all the beauty I'm surrounded in.

 So, where to begin..

change- the only constant [part.2]

The air was crisp and cool last night, the sweet delicious smell of wood burning stoves warmed my heart. I love autumn. Sweater weather makes me smile.

It's kind of hard to believe just a few weeks ago I was praying for summer to be over, then seemingly overnight my wishes were granted. It took all summer to adjust to the days getting ever hotter, toting liters of water with me to work. The weight of the water was traded in for rain gear.

The weather isn't the only change I'm getting used to. Having my own vehicle is one of the biggest changes of my life. And finally, a winter coming where I don't have to worry about where I'll be sleeping at night. My fella and I were offered a room in his family's modular home until we get back on our feet. Having a warm bed instead of a couch or tent is a sweet treat.

It's been a good few years that I've essentially been living out of a storage locker. This week I finally pulled out my belongings to store inside the house. And to make use of.. my camera gear hasn't seen the light of day in quite some time.

...

Speaking of time, I've been trying to finish this blog post for a few weeks now. I just haven't had time to sit in front of a computer to write. If I'm not working, I'm commuting to/from work, or driving my arse out of the city to camp and [attempt to] catch some fish. Suppose I shouldn't complain, 6 weeks from now I'll have 6 weeks of very little work as the season winds down. Then I have to make some decisions as to what I'll do with myself..

Back in Ontario I never could have imagined myself being a landscaper. The seasons are too harsh, the heat far too unbearable in the summer, and the cold too bitter in winter to spend nights outdoors working the snow removal shift. It's been nearly a solid 14 months I've been pulling it off out here, minus the 3 month hiatus I took at layoff where I tried my hand once again in the retail scene.

I'm beginning to see that perhaps neither scene is fully for me. I love gardening, that's for sure, and I've been doing that for cash a couple days a week since i moved out here. i'd like to keep it up, but I'm exploring other options as well. I'm finally making a decent wage with the commercial landscaping, but the work plus the elements is doing a number on me physically.

...

It's noon on a Saturday, and here I am for the first time in a long time, sitting indoors in my track pants sipping tea and relaxing my bones and joints. I haven't been this full-body sore before without it being caused by some sort of flu. And I know I'm not sick so... something has to change.

A bunch of things really. I've been talking about it for a while, but nothing will change unless I do..

Not that I haven't done it before, change up the things I need to for the benefit of my health.. and I'm running out of excuses. My job has been a big one for me. An excuse not to take fantastic care of myself, and I can definaltely feel the effects. I still smoke, or again rather.. It's hard not to in that industry. It's a good excuse to kind of take a break [or at least do something less impactful for 5 minutes], it's a reward after a tough job done, it's a social moment. And dammit, for whatever reason, I just bloody well enjoy smoking.

And then my diet.. I need calories or carbs or salt on demand in quick to consume formats, and that rarely equals out to anything healthy. Especially since fresh things are hard to keep that way in an ever fluctuating climate. The work truck gets hot when it sits in the sun. And real soggy real quick in the rainy season when she's loaded up with us and our rain soaked gear. The job plus the commute takes up far too much of my day to take a moment to eat properly, or prepare better foods and pack them in such a way to keep them edible until I need them in a day. Plus I gotta carry that sh*t around haha.. I know, I know.. excuses, excuses.

Looking back, at least I made an attempt this year. I let circumstances get the better of me and gave up quick. Here I am again, calling myself out, this time I gotta make it stick. It's about hard work and dedication at first, but after a while healthy lifestyle becomes easier, routine, reflex, even enjoyable, if you let it be. It's always step one that's hardest.

Here we go again, thank goodness for the change of scenery. Next [and most critical] step, my health. Can't take many other steps without that one.


xo

no stress

pshh yeah right. i'm trying. realllly really trying not to stress. it's literally what's eating me. i've been on my own more or less since high school and i've always been really conscious of my financial situation and staying employed, even when i travel. i'm now in the worst financial state i've ever been in, and i can't really work full-time right now.

i broke the bank, and i broke meself. i can stretch the rest of my income from the spring to get me through til the end of this month, which works perfectly as i need the time to heal. but i pretty much need to find work immediately in July to keep a roof over my head, my shit in storage, and my credit in good standing. oh yeah, and like.. eat and stuff. and i'm having a hard time getting it out of my head so i can just relax and do what i gotta do.

i'm not typically one to worry too hard about a place to live, don't usually have one for long when i get one, evade leases like the plague. for right now though, in order to ensure i have a proper chance at getting my health back in order, i need this. i know it isn't going to last forever and i have no idea how long til it ends but i have to stop over thinking. it is what it is right now. i have a kitchen and running water and electricity that i can make use of in all the ways i need to to getr done.

spent the morning spending what little i have left right now collecting some the tools. i busted out the hand crank juice press and made a delicious mix of veg and fruit juice. probably the most satisfying thing i've sipped in a couple years. i forgot how much i loved this shit. healthy and delicious is a thing! went and grabbed a cheap immersion blender for all the soups, a big ass bucket to grow some sunflowers in, and some mason jars to seal in the freshness. i'm just about set for a relaxing, cleansing month of gardening, patio farming, juicing and healing my wholeness.

yeah i said that.

ultimately i'd like to continue this trend moving forward. i'm kinda done busting ass long hours just to get by. i'd rather just work enough to keep my shit in order, for someone who actually cares, and then spend a lot more time working for myself, and taking care of myself so i can take care of my loved ones and get shit done.

i'd like to make more headway into the lifestyle i've been dancing around all my life. i'm transient, i don't need much, and i love to grow things. next mission: tiny home [on wheels], space to grow, and time to live it. it's really all i need, and all i've ever wanted. oh and someone rad to live it with. that's a thing.

just live. stress free.



i can do this. i gotta write it out to psych myself up, and share it to commit. thanks everyone who reads this shit and kicks my arse into gear. if it wasn't for you cheering me on and checking in i wouldn't be here. literally. imma sit here with my green medicine, and worry about nothing else but the veggie soup stock i got rockin on the stove. work can wait. money can wait. the world can wait. me first. sorry not sorry.


xo

2014.. up in smokes.

well, holy shit. it's almost the end of the year already. what a freakin year.

2013 was a big one for me. lots of travel and adventure, lots of work, lots of focus externally. i found myself very distracted and even overwhelmed, but i don't regret any of it. in fact, i'm grateful i got to experience it all, as unexpected as it was. it was also year 5 for me being pretty well planted in one place, which began to weigh in. and so did i... i was very heavy.

i think my major problem was [and still often is] that i wasn't sure what i wanted. i thought permanence and stability was it [gain credit, buy a house, fill it with people, get a career etc]. but the further in i got, the greater my anxiety. i didn't realize while i was in it that the very things i was striving for was causing me so much stress. i was so distracted by it all that i neglected to take care of myself, my vessel.. and as it grew more and more unhealthy, i became depressed. change had to happen.

2014 saw a lot more changes internally for me. my thinking, my actions and reactions, and ultimately a change of environment to support my internal needs. after trying hard and failing to regain my health in 2013, i made it my main focus this year and made a lot more progress. though i had my own motivations, losing my cousin to cancer in early spring, and then my mother's untimely expiration a couple months later really drove it home. how important it is to take care of myself, i'm only gonna get one shot at maintaining this body so i have to put a little more effort into ensuring it doesn't fall apart too soon. i did a month long juice cleanse, started eating mostly raw and vegan, and even ran a couple decent seminars to teach people how to use a juicer. i got all over the healthy scene..

and now here i am kicking myself in the ass. i've come this far and accomplished so much health-wise, reduced the stress of anxiety by a lot, lost them pounds.. and started effing smoking again. smoking! i had a pack or two on the bus ride out here, bus rides ugh.. but then stopped. for a couple months almost.. and as soon as i started working that job, holy shit all i wanted was a cigarette. juuuust like the last time i worked nights. well i really gotta cut that shit out. i can feel what it's doing to me, my chest, my throat, i can feel the arteries constricting in my limbs... it's just gross and i'm sure it's not doing me any favours. i've had this pain right in my chest for a few days that's telling me it's time to quit. no more excuses, it calms my nerves and my guts, i like to smoke, all that shit. one life, take it or leave it. it's time to pull up my socks on this.

2015 is coming. time for another one them lists.. i do this every year and it usually works. however i'm pretty sure quit smoking has been on the list a few years in a row. and i do quit, just not forever. but really if i want to get any further health and fitness wise, i need my heart and lungs. smoking is fucking terrible for those things and chest pain is a scary time. i need to check that thing off to continue on down the list. i want to focus more on my diet, maybe start jogging again if my foot/knee can handle that now with less weight, and basically better refine my self-care healthy habits before summer comes around again and i get distracted. i need a sort of routine established before everything gets crazy again, cuz who knows where i'll be or what i'll be doing.

and i need to get creative again. beyond just blogging and snapping a few pics. i want to try my hand at poetry, i used to do that shit all the time. and writing styles, get some markers and a sketchbook, and doodle more in the one that was gifted to me. i need to finish the process of getting a drivers permit so i can plan some adventures. i'm jacked to get organized and give most of my shit away. and i'd like to learn something new. a new skill, or trade, or maybe a whole new job, who knows. something i've never done before.

well let's see what happens. i'm putting it out there, first step to manifest.

this year's big journey.

i've been having a hard time writing for a while. i have ideas that i don't know how to get across and goals i'm not sure how to reach completely, but i'm learning and that's a start. the whole point in blogging [to me] is to share my experiences with hopes that someday someone will find some inspiration or comfort in my writings. it's a good feeling when you find someone you can relate to, even if they're on the other side of the world. oh, glorious interwebs. anyhoo i also like to have a way to record my trials and triumphs so that i have something to look back on occasionally to reflect, i've never had the best memory. this year's big journey is more of an inward one, a journey that is crucial so that i can continue this adventure we call life without falling to pieces.


i started a blog about a year ago called the Sage Thrive Challenge, with the idea that if i make my 'journey' public it would be a better motivator to regain my health and live a better lifestyle. it's not quite a success story yet, but it has a solid foundation of small triumphs and lots of challenges in motion. it has an outward appearance of a 'weightloss blog' but really, it's not something that i ever intend to finish. to thrive is perpetual and continual.. not just a 'diet' or following the trend, but deep self-reflection and healing through an overall lifestyle change. a true lifestyle change is 'forever' if one hopes to see lasting affects... and though i had the right idea in my head, i got caught up with other goals and achievements and lots of travel. i sort of lost track of myself. spent too much time outside of my body so-to-speak, and treating it more like a vessel to carry my mind around than a part of a whole living being that is 'me'. i've never given [me] the sort of attention i need to not only survive but thrive, to acknowledge the damage done over the years and to truly care enough to make the necessary adjustments to living a healthier and potentially longer life.

my destination is in each step

anyways, it's not about the weight loss. i mean, that will hopefully be a part of the outcome of a happier and healthier lifestyle, but it's not my only goal or my main one. my main goal is to provide my body with what it needs to heal itself; nourishment, a happy and healthy environment, a positive headspace, and plenty of proper exercise and rest. this past year of the journey has been learning about how to achieve this, and what i need to do to prepare. i'm currently 67 hours into a 72 hour juice fast and i'm more than confident that i can see it through. this confidence took time to build, and self-education had a lot to do with it.

with recharging my overall physical health, i hope to also recover my creativity and dissolve the fuzzy mental blockages i've been lazing behind for a while. i have a hard time writing and thinking and starting on a blank canvass these days, i even get frustrated in the kitchen trying to figure out what to make. this fast has forced me to be more thoughtful about what i put into my body and how it will affect me, and if nothing else comes from making it though i hope that mindset sticks with me. i'll repeat this process as many times as need be until it does.

something else that i hope to achieve in all of this is the ability to truly 'let go of my past'.. all of this weight that i'm holding on to was put there when i was in a point in my life that caused me a great amount of stress. i always gain weight when i'm stressed, it's just how i work. i know this, yet i had a seriously difficult time eliminating [unnecessary] stresses from my life. i think it was part environment and part attitude, i took things very personally before. and though my circumstances are way better than they were, i'm still dealing with things that others in a different mindset would find unmanageable. 

another part of my past that i'm ready to let go of is the 'addiction' to foods that i know aren't good for me, like breads and processed things, things in packages that contain far more ingredients than one. my overall diet could be seen as generally healthy in comparison to the average, but there's still all those hidden 'things' in my food that i don't know what they do to me. it started in my childhood for sure, my mother fed us not much else besides peanut butter sandwiches and Kraft dinner. anything that was fast and cheap, with the occasional meat and potatoes. if she fed us at all.. so it was no wonder when we set out on our own my brother and i always had a taste for refined foods.

let me get back to the mindset.. my state of mind in all of this is huge, i've tried juice fasts before and with no success. my wantings and cravings for foods that i was restricting myself from were powerful, even nauseating. i could never successfully cleanse or fast for longer than a day and i felt terrible. this time was much different, educated, motivated.. a jumpstart into a whole new way of life. i'm not broke anymore [well, in comparison to before] and i'm not homeless so i have no excuses like eating to survive. now i have the opportunity to eat to thrive, and hopefully heal the damages done over the decades.

today i get to ease back into the eating world only with this whole new mindset.. i'm actually excited to challenge myself to eat nothing but Real Food. novel idea, no? how many of us actually do eat nothing but real food.. look at our grocery stores!! they provide for demand, and the demand is processed junk. you think you're making a 'healthy choice' by grabbing a can of tomato sauce and a bag of pasta instead of say, McDonalds.. and as it turns out there's probably about as much refined sugar and wheat in the plate of spaghetti as there is in the cheeseburger and coke.

my kitchen is already pretty stocked with delicious fresh produce, so i suppose instead of [correction, alongside] juicing it i'll just eat a small bowl of cut fruits and vegetables to break the fast. thoughtfully.. which brings me to another point! ...that i'll save for a new post because this one is getting pretty long already. making up for lost time... and i'm finally doing something [for myself!] worth writing about. go me! this year's journey is one that i'll take internally [and then share, because why not?] ...thanks for reading. i'll be back..

cellar dweller

i used to hate on the idea of living in a basement.. just seems like a bad idea is all. mostly paranoid about water really, but so far even our first leaky mishap was well worth the benefits that come with living underground. the first big rain we had leaked into our kitchen... totally my fault, i was gardening and forgot to replace the piping that carries the water away from the foundation.. woke up with a slick of water on the floor. after learning that lesson quickly, it's back to chillin'.

number one benefit of living sub-terra.. the temperature! when it's too cold, that's an easy fix. space heaters and blankets work wonders. but when it's creeping up over a hundred degrees outside, it's easy to stay cool as a cucumber down here no AC required. i say as i sip on my cucumber apple lemonade, fresh from the juicer... super healthy part of my thrive challenge!

omnom..! delicious and refreshing, perfect for any hot day. and a hot one it is... it's a good thing i got home when i did. another hour without shade and water and my freshly planted seedlings would have had the biscuit. i had to carefully pour as much water as i could down to the roots without hitting the leaves [for fear of burning them] to quickly revive them.. they sprung right back. phew! i'd be pretty upset if i lost a part of that big beautiful garden especially so soon!

there are key elements to keeping our little hole in the ground cool and comfortable. first being a dehumidifier. this device is a key component to living comfortably in a basement no matter the season, most especially in older homes, the basements of which were originally not intended to be living space. the second key element is a large circulator fan. we have the one that sits on the floor, but can be tilted up. this helps to keep the air moving, and push the cooler air from the tiled cement of our kitchen into the slightly better insulated main room. to make this system work though, the windows must be kept shut. we have been using this system since we got here, and even on the hottest days it's noticeably cool.

well, that being said, the afternoon sun is passing and it should be safe to go back outside and mill about in the garden. lots of digging and planting still to do before my epic journey south.

project newhouse.. time to thrive!

so we moved quite suddenly. we weren't expecting to get in until the end of May but thankfully, here we are. i will now have a week off at the end of the month to start some home renovations and get the back yard ready to garden. our apartment is the basement of a house. it needs a little fixing but it's a great space, big windows all along the west side. the fact that it was left in need of a facelift gives us an opportunity to get creative.

the back yard is a story of it's own, it's quite big for inner city. there's a large black walnut tree and a maple, and yet still a fair bit of space that gets sun for most of the day. the previous tenants built us a housewarming gift, a cool bench seat for beside the firepit. and a garden box along the back fence, which we haven't decided what to plant in.

the past week has been a blur, moving, cleaning, unpacking and rediscovering things that have long been stored away.. and enjoying our very own space. Matt and i have been couch hopping and roomsharing for a little under a year, and it's awesome to finally have a whole apartment to ourselves. so peaceful! as much as we loved the people that housed us, we are enjoying what we have now. something to make our own.

now that i'm all domesticated, may as well play the part. i think i'm gonna start in the bathroom.. go with a little rustic and nature theme. the kitchen i am undecided on how to finish, and the livingroom is looking like it will be kind of oriental style by default.. we like to be close to the ground, and as we only had a room in the last place we are lacking in livingroom furniture. so for now, it's floor pillows and a couple small ground level tables. the bedroom will likely be red and black, and then the storage/play room... well, that's going to be fun! and this is what happens when streetkids become unhomeless. ha..

i should probably get some sleep, five a.m. comes early. we've been so busy getting our place together [and pausing to whoop each other at nintendo64 games] that we forgot about the internet, and writing and stuff. at least i'm managing to keep on top of my thrive challenge, even if i haven't found a moment to write about it in a while. anyways.... bed!

i can do this..

i can make it a habit to write. i'm just taking a break from cleaning and packing.. and enjoying the spring breeze and sunrays coming through the window. still don't know when exactly i'm moving, but i hope it's before i leave for Arkansas so i can get the garden started at least. we went out for a stroll in the downtown core last night to check out the scenes and peek around at the In the Soil art festival to take our minds off the stresses of everything happening at once.

what else.. oh yeah, i turned 28 a few days ago.. i'd have to say it was a pretty good birthday. i feel like i accomplished a lot since the last one, like i've changed as a person for the better. learned some lessons that will keep with me for a long time to come, and i am grateful.

i have learned a thing or two about self confidence, and gained the motivation i needed to take better care of myself. since january i have been focusing on my overall health and expanding on skills and knowledge. not to mention networking, i went from having no place to garden this year to having so many places to choose from i could visit a different one each day of the week.

also, i've managed to settle down into a pretty cushy position in my job, i love the schedule.. it's the shift i have been waiting years for, ever since i started working full time.finally i'll be able to enjoy my evenings and weekends and work out a routine like a 'normal' person, and plan ahead for mini adventures.

..and now that we're finally getting some sun, i'm taking breaks from packing and cleaning to soak it up. i'll be hitting up my papa's house tomorrow for further birthday celebrations, and the weather is supposed to be amazing. and i get to introduce matt to my parents.. even though we've been living together forever we finally started dating. it's hard these days to find someone you can trust, his presence in my life has been a blessing..

2013 is going to be a good year. it already is.. so much freshness. well i've got so much to do, and more sun to soak up.. so imma head outta the interwebs. i'm attempting to use thins thing as a way to keep track of myself and what i've been up to and how i grow, so here's hoping i can keep up with the habit. cheers..!

...really?

wow.. it's been a month since i've hit this blog... well, i've been busy i suppose! getting ready to fly out to Arkansas [i won!], definitely more decisive [i'm moving!], and excited to plant some gardens!! not only do i have a bunch of different plots to help out with, i get to have my own.. the new place has a big ol' back yard, and i can do what i want to it. overjoyed..

what have i been up to? dang.. everything. i'm still on my get healthy venture, i managed to quit smoking, it's been 25 days! unbelievably, i don't want a cigarette. i'm on a mission, this is my year to get fit and kick ass, and i'm bloggin' it out right here:
http://sagethrivechallenge.blogspot.ca/

hmm.. then there's the gardening.. always about the gardening. at the beginning of the year i was under the impression that i wouldn't have my own garden space, but many people had offered up their yards. now we discover that we're moving to a place with a yard and i can garden all i want... and i still get to help others too! it's gonna be a busy year.. and i'm blogging that stuff here:
http://southernontariourbanpermaculture.blogspot.ca/

what else? oh yeah, i came up with a new style of 'gardening'... similar to guerrilla gardening but not quite the same.. more like hiding food plants right out in the open. i blended my two favourite hobbies, gardening and geocaching.. and came up with gardenCaching! and i'm excited to get on it.. and yup, you guessed it, it has it's own blog too:
 http://gardencaching.blogspot.ca/

well that's all i got for now.. i gotta get packing! only two more weekends before we move, and i've only just begun to go through my stuff. it's the perfect rainy weekend to do so, probably a blessing in disguise that the weather has been so cold. i'll stay inside to get my chores done, and save playing outside for may. peace for now..